dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
