we're blogging at a bar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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