We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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