Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
