Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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