Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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