Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
