What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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