That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
