Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
