I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
