I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
