pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
