The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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