I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
