I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
