put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
