my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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