Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
