If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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