omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
