In the future we'll all be gay
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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