not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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