connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
