dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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