so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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