The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
