Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
