Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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