He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
