I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sext me about skeletons
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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