I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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