The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
