If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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