You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
