she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
