how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
