he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
