five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
