Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
