I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
