You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
