I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
