I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
