And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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