I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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