take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
