Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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