I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
