Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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