you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
