I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
