so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
