theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
