you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
