He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
