Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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