I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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