I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
