I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
