I can text with my tongue
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
