I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
