4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
