apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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