just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
