Banned from zoo.
Again?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
