Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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