I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
