The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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