I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
