if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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