does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
