I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
