At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
