No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
