man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Welp...herpes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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