dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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