Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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